BERT

I found a dead spider in the shower this morning.

I’d seen him before hanging out high in the corner of the ceiling and had decided to let him stay as long as he didn’t sneak into my bedroom and bite me in my sleep. We had an arrangement, so I was sad to see him laying dead next to the loofa.

I looked up at his old web and was surprised to see another spider hanging out up there. I asked it’s name and he replied “Bert.” I asked him if he was happy in the shower and if he was getting enough to eat as I’d never seen any other bugs in the shower. Bert told me he was alright as long as I would just stop bumping his web.

“Are you happy in this life as a spider?” He said it was OK, but being human would be more exciting and that girl spiders were way to hairy. I reminded him that at least he had eight legs and that had to be pretty cool, but he just shrugged.

“What happened to the last spider who was in here?” I asked. “I kicked him out, this is my web now, my web, my corner.” I suggested to him that maybe if he was a bit nicer to his fellow man… err, spider that maybe he might come back in a next life as a human and catch himself a less hairy girlfriend.

He just repeated his request that I stop bumping his web and retreated into his corner.